I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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