feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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