He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
