There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
