Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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