I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Couch. On fire.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
