so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
