so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
