i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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