In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
