I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
