Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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