her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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