I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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