When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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