the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
