ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
