I smell stomach acid.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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