I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
