All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
