lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
