dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
