he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
