i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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