yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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