Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize