it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
