We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
