never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
