So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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