Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize