and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Two words: blizzard sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
