But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
