that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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