All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
