So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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