I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
