Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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