I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
