Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
