its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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