Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
