You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
