I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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