Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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