My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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