sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
