So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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