i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
