he shaved USA in his pubs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
