So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize