You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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