Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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