You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have already put on my inside pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
