Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize