can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
