the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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