well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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