is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
