so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
