Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
